ED

I think it still felt a bit unreal for me, that finally I am in the last posting.

20 months plus ago, I was just reporting myself to the hospital. Now, praise be to Allah, my housemanship almost reaching its end in 3 months God-willing.

Thinking back, my Godddd. What a journey!!

My first posting will always be the one that I’ll remember the most, because literally I started from zero. It was five months after my final exams, I never did an elective before, and my basic knowledge were not that great. I got a good nag from a MO that

Honestly, I think I am here now because of God blessing. Maybe I passed by people’s pity.

The surgeon told me, “don’t worry, we understand that you are a first poster. We’ll let you pass”. Best sentences, ever.

However till this posting, I am still feeling unsure. Well, I am unsure of everything.

Currently my work scope is clerking new patients coming to the emergency, which usually a non-stop event. And because we share the same work place with the MOs and specialist, I don’t get chances to sit, because by sitting, they might think you are lazy. Haha.

So tired.

And thing don’t get better with those fussy, thinks-they-know-better, believe-more-in-what-others-said type of patient.

At 4 am today, an patient came in for severe asthma. Ironically, I know that patient because when I clerked him, he was so anxious to go home, and when I was about to discuss with my MO, the patient absconded. Still remember his exact sentences:

Saya datang ni bukan sebab sesak nafas ke ape. Tapi sebab pagi ni rasa tak selesa. Sejuk kan. So macam nak amik la neb(ulizer), nak top-up. Ala macam nak top up hand phone

And when asked why he doesn’t took his budesonide inhaler, he said he felt OK, and some people said the MDI is not good.

Haish.

Maybe one might say communication (read: explanation and patient education) is the key here but really, I think I am not really a talker. Maybe my parent was right not allowing their child to be a teacher because I think I don’t really like to explain things over and over again.

Right now, I feel so lazy to work.

There, I said it. haha

I am still unsure of what I want to do. Maybe I should be an intensivist, which only require me to deal with intubated patient. Intubated=not fussy. hahahaha