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Hello there.

A lot has happened since the last time I rant about my life update.

A few weeks ago, I was updating my blog with recipe of Agar agar Lumut. So after updating, I took some time to read my previous blog post. I accidentally read my journal when I was a houseman.

Honestly, it bring so much memories. There are some part that makes me feel like, “oh, did I do that? I dont remember a bit about it”. Like how my off day was cancelled last minute. How a whatsapp massage ruined my holiday. Note to myself, dont reply whatsapp message.

Nevertheless, I miss writing on the blog. After reading the old post, I felt the urge to keep updating.

I think one of the reason I rarely update is because I seldom sit infront of a computer. Nowadays it is the age of smart phones. I dont prefer writing on the WordPress apps, like I am doing currently. So many spelling mistake. Luls.

Anyhow, I plan to write more. As I felt overwhelmed with work.

Till the next time.

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Resipi agar agar lumut pandan

Agar agar tali 37.5gram

Air 2 liter

Gula 500gram (secukup rasa)

Daun pandan

Pewarna hijau

Emulco pandan (optional)

Santan dua kotak kecik

Telur dua biji

Cara cara

Masukkan sepaket agar-agar tali 37.5 gram, air, daun pandan dalam periuk dinding tinggi. Masak sehingga didih dan agar-agar larut. Masukkan gula. Adjust gula ikut kemahuan.

Satukan dua kotak kecil santan dan dua biji telur. Pukul rata.

Kecilkan api sehingga buih menjadi seminimum mungkin. Baca Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Tuang campuran santan dan telur sedikit demi sedikit. Tuang sampai habis. Pastikan adunan agar agar dikacau dengan berterusan

Selepas santan habis dituang, kuatkan kembali api. Didihkan adunan selama 3-5minit.

Tutup api. Letak dalam acuan agae agar. Biarkab di suhu bilik sebelum di simpan di dalam peti sejuk

Fate

Dah lama tak update. Well, dulu ade pernah draft blog spot kat iphone notes, tapi malangnye iphone dah jatuh dan mengalami kerosakan. Sedih.

14294819_1770936323185258_634804121_n

Trauma

Arakian, beberapa bulan lepas aku dah apply untuk pertukaran. Nak masuk ke Klinik Kesihatan (KK). Ye la, aku dah tak larat nak oncall. Tanggungjawab besar sangat. Honestly, aku benci untuk buat keputusan untuk orang lain. Sebab tak nak risau pasal implikasinya. Sesetengah KK ade oncall jugak tapi aku rase maybe kurang sibut kot? Ye la anything refer hospital je.

Tambahan pula suasana hospital aku yang tak condusif langsung. Haish. Rase terbiar. Kene buli dengan PKD. Apa-apa hal hospital jugak salah.

So tadi  aku call JKN, nampaknya tak diluluskan. Tunggu next meeting bulan November pulak.

Adeh. Sedihnye.

Kawan kawan aku banyak dah dapat kelulusan untuk transfer starting next month. Haish.

Tapi kan, aku pon cuak jugak dengan decision aku ni. Sesuai ke aku kerja KK? Dok JPL pon dah berbulu. Haha.

Ntahla. Sekarang ni, aku rase insecure sangat. Takut something wrong happened during my calls. Aduh.

Last few oncall, aku pernah rase stress gila sebab ade budak tak stable (nafas laju) dalam ward. Tapi hospital besar penuh takde katil. Doktor kat hospital besar tu pesan, “you just continue doing what you are doing now. If child deteriorates, call us back”.

Like seriously????? Tunggu deteriorate???

OMG. Kalo deteriorate, and God forbid pass away, menjawabla aku dalam meeting kematian adui….

Time tu dah la sorang budak yang aku refer ke hospital besar baru meninggal. Tunggu masa je untuk pergi ke mesyuarat kematian tu. Alhamdulillah meeting tu dah selesai.

Aku dah nekad dah if anything bad happened to that child, aku nak run away nak hilangkan diri huhuhu….

Alhamdulillah akhirnya budak tu berjaya transfer pergi ke hospital besar.

Stress sangat. Dah la boss takde nak support langsung. You are on your own.

Alhamdulillah la aku ade Allah sebagai tempat untuk mengadu. Hari hari pergi kerja dengan doa. Huhuhu

Esok aku oncall. Tapi arini standby. Now hospital dah call. haish.

2016

Bismilah.

1 Jan 2016 dah berlalu sudah.

Alhamdulillah. Malam 31 hb kali ini, aku sedang berehat di dalam rumah disamping isteri tecinta. Nasib baik tak payah oncall. Eh tapi aku standby. Namun begitu nasib baik tak ada kes. Huhu.

Tahun 2015 merupakan tahun yang mana aku telah menamatkan housemanship aku seterusnya memulakan khidmat sebagai seorang MO. Memang sukar untuk memikul tanggungjawab dan membuat keputusan. Lagi lagi keputusan yang melibatkan nyawa orang. Tambahan pula dengan sikap aku yang suka fikir banyak dan fikir all the worst thing that could’ve happen.

Seriously, time oncall aku memang tak tenang dan tak tenteram. Juga moody.

Bukan sekali dua, malahan dah banyak kali aku sering berborak dengan kawan kawan dan staff hospital, yang aku macam sedikit menyesal kenapa la aku tak memilih untuk jadi guru.

Tak ada oncall, dan tak perlu nak fikir kalo pesakit tu balik rumah, esok die akan sembuhkah, atau esok dia akan makin teruk?

Yang penting, cikgu memang dipengaruhi orang cuti sekolah, cuti umum dan cuti peristiwa.

Lain lah kerja doktor kerajaan. Banjir ke, jerebut ke, takde letrik, takde air, dan sebagainya, still kena buka.

Letih.

Aku memang selalu sangat terfikir nak berenti kerja. Tapi tu la. Kalau tak kerja, mane nak dapat gaji? Ape je kerja yang konfirm boleh bagi minimum sedebuk RM3K sebulan?

Kalo kerja sendiri, at least tahun pertama tu memang konfirm sesak. Tu tak masuk lagi tekanan dari ibubapa dan sanak sedara. Terutama tekanan mulut.

Abang aku dah berenti kerja swasta, buat kerja bisnes. Memang jelas sangat, mak bapak aku, even aku pon, macam sedikit sebanyak rase rugi betul beliau berenti padahal kerja die gajinya not bad.

Tapi aku malas nak cakap banyak. Sebab aku pon faham. Kalau dah tak minat tu, memang rasa tak best.

Tak tahu la nak salahkan siapa. Mak aku dulu pernah bagi semangat kat aku, masa aku rasa down gila time mula mula start posting dulu. Mak aku cakap, die dulu pon kerja tension jugak. Setiap hari rasa phobia bila tengok pintu pagar sekolah (mak aku cikgu). Tapi aku tak nampak pon beliau camtu dulu. Mungkin time tu aku baru umur 7 tahun. Tapi mak aku sabar. Keja sampai pencen. Sekarang hidup stabil je makan duit pencen bulan-bulan.

Dulu terbaca, memang generasi dulu dan sekarang berbeza sebab zaman berbeza. Dulu zaman perang, zaman ekonomi meleset. Mak aku cakap arwah atok memang slalu nasihat cari kerja dengan kerajaan. Stabil, dapat pencen. So memang diorang sabar je la kerja sampai pencen.

Tapi generasi aku ni, fikir we are more than that. Bercita tinggi la kunun. Wanted to only do what we want to do. Mungkin ade sikit naik lemak. Tak suka, tak nak kerja. Tak sabar.

Tapi entah la. Kekadang terfikir jugak kalo aku jadi cikgu, adekah aku akan jadi lebih gembira?

Wallahualam.

Esok Isnin. Start kerja selepas cuti Jumaat, Sabtu dan Ahad. Cam biasa la, blues tu datang balik. Huhuhu.

Ya Allah, berikanlah aku pentunjuk, dan berikan lah aku jalan. Berikanlah aku ketenangan. Amin.

End of year

Next week, will be the last week of November 2016.

My mother in law will be travelling to Manchester, UK next week. And I will be on-call in the weekend.

Which means I need to rush back home immediately after sending off my MIL.

Initially I wasn’t supposed to on-call, but due to some irresponsible people, who informed me last minutes that he can’t do on-call, and even with all the alternatives that I have prepared, it only seems that the only way for this to work is for me to replace him while he don’t need to replace mine.

Like seriously why does one need to do his/ her medical check up in Sarawak? Only Sarawak got hospital, is it?

But never mind that. I don’t want to think nor speak about that any more. I’ll just treat that person as just my another bitter moment in life. Which is, to forget. And forgive, when he’s dead

Anyhow, I took leave on Friday because I misunderstood that my wife’s friend’s wedding will be in Selangor but actually it is in Perak. At first I think I could lie all day long on Friday prior the trip but coincidentally, I need to go to Ipoh on that day settling my MIL medical check up.

And now, as usual, on Sunday night, the Monday blues kick in.

Urghh.

I do know tomorrow I won’t be in clinic in the morning as I need to accompany an ambulance to Ipoh (which read as dilly dally till noon)but still, I am still worried regarding the patient that will be in the ambulances.

But still… the thoughts of working… and the thoughts of me, doing this job like… till i retire…

Oh my.

I did realized that even though my work are physically lesser compared to 1-2 years ago but the responsibility is huge. I got my weekends, my leave, nice co workers and all but still… I can’t help to overthink.

Oh yeah! I just remembered that I need to make a slide show for meeting this Wednesday…

Entah lah…

My wife’s school holiday is starting next week…

Damn! Why la I don’t apply as a teacher before?? T_T

Meanwhile, KKM posted in their Facebook regarding the ministry plan to put Medical Officer in research field.

Interesting…

I do afraid that I will get bored doing research but then I don’t think I can stand juggling with others’ life any more.

Random info: my batch mate pass away yesterday in Sg Buloh. I whatsapp-ed my other friend asking if she and her husband will be going to the funeral but she said she’s oncall today.

Being a doctor, you just have to work no matter if it was weekend or public holiday…

Stagnant

Yesterday was my 3rd Graduation Day’s anniversary. As most of my colleague did, I repost the post as memory on the Facebook. However, deep inside me, I don’t really wanted to remember that day. If I count my blessing, of course, one would said I should be grateful that my parent managed to attend it. However deep down, I felt terrible because we were seated according to our pointer and obviously my result was not that good. Honestly I was also stressed out because I need to deal with the Egyptian.

Nevertheless, I still graduated.

I joined a whatsapp group which consist of my colleagues during my housemanship days. I was quite surprised to know some of my other acquaintance (whom of course, was not in the group) pass part 1 for an exam for specialist (there are 3 parts). The reason we (members of the group) was surprised because he was known to be one of those who always missing during working hours. And as one of my friend inside the group said, “big talk, no work”. I don’t personally know the guy but I did heard his name was mention whenever we were gossiping about those who always skip working. Hahaha

Suddenly deep inside me, I felt empty. Because I don’t have any plans to further my study, yet. There’s was nothing big to look forward too (other that getting a child, buying a property, travelling overseas etc)

I still remember 3 years ago. my only hope was to graduate. And then after that, to finished housemanship. But now, other than to settle my debt, I just go to work, waiting for it to end.

Praise be to Allah for making me satisfied.

Currently, I am still hoping to stop being a doctor by doing a business. I was thinking of being a tailor. I even joined a group for tailor. But then, when I read some of the post there regarding the hustle of being a tailor, that dream was slowly die out.

I did take a 6 days leave trying to finished my sewing project (read: my wife’s clothes). But damn, I felt so stressed whenever I sewn incorrectly, and whenever my machine malfunction. Urghh!!

And I did felt bored, sewing all day. I think maybe I did have attention deficit.

Here’s my machine and my project

photo 1

Sulaman. Tak jadi sangat sebab kain berkedut

Mesin jahit RM6K

Mesin jahit RM6K

My wife was away paying a visit to her cousins with my mother in-law as her aunt just passed away.

So, after dilly dally alone, finally I have a new vision.

To prepare myself to stop working before I am 40 years old. Or to established a business before 40 years old.

How was it? It is good enough?

Recent

It was 10 months since my last post here, and almost 5 months since I have finished my housemanship.

What a phase.

And now, I am a district medical officer with one thing in mind: hoping for easy job.

Being a district MO has it own perks. Sometimes it was so chills, sometimes it was so havoc. Thus, the need for me to pray for the best every single day.

Currently, I am incharge of outpatient department. Literally, a 8 am to 5 pm job in a government institution. l was hoping to get into the Klinik Kesihatan posting but I think albeit the oncall, my job scope currently may resembles a KK MO.

However, for some reason, I felt so empty inside. It could be because I rarely pray at the mosque, reading al Quran and giving alms. I felt so bored sitting inside the clinic attending patients.

Patient nowadays are so demanding, and if I may say so, ‘manja’. Got a cough and runny nose for 2 days, already seek the doctor. Fever started this morning, this afternoon already went to the clinic.

Like have you ever heard of home remedies? Have not you ever tried curing yourself first?

Honestly, I think the cause of all of this is due the cheap registration fees. RM1. RM1 for blood taking, for consultation, and for medications.

But then, I don’t feel like taking in charge of the wards. The ward looks chills all the time, but when it doesn’t, it was scary. And honestly sometime while I was oncall and was not sure what to do with my patient, I just admit them and let my colleague to decides. LOLs.

I don’t know what is wrong with me. Maybe I should be more grateful.

Lately, I’ve been seeing some of my friend has started to quit being a doctor.

I felt like quitting too. But then I am not sure of what am I going to do.

Oh my. Wish I could retire early. And going to travel.

But then again, I don’t think that I am that interested to travel. I just was to lay down at home.

Maybe I am just getting older.