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Hello there.

A lot has happened since the last time I rant about my life update.

A few weeks ago, I was updating my blog with recipe of Agar agar Lumut. So after updating, I took some time to read my previous blog post. I accidentally read my journal when I was a houseman.

Honestly, it bring so much memories. There are some part that makes me feel like, “oh, did I do that? I dont remember a bit about it”. Like how my off day was cancelled last minute. How a whatsapp massage ruined my holiday. Note to myself, dont reply whatsapp message.

Nevertheless, I miss writing on the blog. After reading the old post, I felt the urge to keep updating.

I think one of the reason I rarely update is because I seldom sit infront of a computer. Nowadays it is the age of smart phones. I dont prefer writing on the WordPress apps, like I am doing currently. So many spelling mistake. Luls.

Anyhow, I plan to write more. As I felt overwhelmed with work.

Till the next time.




1 Jan 2016 dah berlalu sudah.

Alhamdulillah. Malam 31 hb kali ini, aku sedang berehat di dalam rumah disamping isteri tecinta. Nasib baik tak payah oncall. Eh tapi aku standby. Namun begitu nasib baik tak ada kes. Huhu.

Tahun 2015 merupakan tahun yang mana aku telah menamatkan housemanship aku seterusnya memulakan khidmat sebagai seorang MO. Memang sukar untuk memikul tanggungjawab dan membuat keputusan. Lagi lagi keputusan yang melibatkan nyawa orang. Tambahan pula dengan sikap aku yang suka fikir banyak dan fikir all the worst thing that could’ve happen.

Seriously, time oncall aku memang tak tenang dan tak tenteram. Juga moody.

Bukan sekali dua, malahan dah banyak kali aku sering berborak dengan kawan kawan dan staff hospital, yang aku macam sedikit menyesal kenapa la aku tak memilih untuk jadi guru.

Tak ada oncall, dan tak perlu nak fikir kalo pesakit tu balik rumah, esok die akan sembuhkah, atau esok dia akan makin teruk?

Yang penting, cikgu memang dipengaruhi orang cuti sekolah, cuti umum dan cuti peristiwa.

Lain lah kerja doktor kerajaan. Banjir ke, jerebut ke, takde letrik, takde air, dan sebagainya, still kena buka.


Aku memang selalu sangat terfikir nak berenti kerja. Tapi tu la. Kalau tak kerja, mane nak dapat gaji? Ape je kerja yang konfirm boleh bagi minimum sedebuk RM3K sebulan?

Kalo kerja sendiri, at least tahun pertama tu memang konfirm sesak. Tu tak masuk lagi tekanan dari ibubapa dan sanak sedara. Terutama tekanan mulut.

Abang aku dah berenti kerja swasta, buat kerja bisnes. Memang jelas sangat, mak bapak aku, even aku pon, macam sedikit sebanyak rase rugi betul beliau berenti padahal kerja die gajinya not bad.

Tapi aku malas nak cakap banyak. Sebab aku pon faham. Kalau dah tak minat tu, memang rasa tak best.

Tak tahu la nak salahkan siapa. Mak aku dulu pernah bagi semangat kat aku, masa aku rasa down gila time mula mula start posting dulu. Mak aku cakap, die dulu pon kerja tension jugak. Setiap hari rasa phobia bila tengok pintu pagar sekolah (mak aku cikgu). Tapi aku tak nampak pon beliau camtu dulu. Mungkin time tu aku baru umur 7 tahun. Tapi mak aku sabar. Keja sampai pencen. Sekarang hidup stabil je makan duit pencen bulan-bulan.

Dulu terbaca, memang generasi dulu dan sekarang berbeza sebab zaman berbeza. Dulu zaman perang, zaman ekonomi meleset. Mak aku cakap arwah atok memang slalu nasihat cari kerja dengan kerajaan. Stabil, dapat pencen. So memang diorang sabar je la kerja sampai pencen.

Tapi generasi aku ni, fikir we are more than that. Bercita tinggi la kunun. Wanted to only do what we want to do. Mungkin ade sikit naik lemak. Tak suka, tak nak kerja. Tak sabar.

Tapi entah la. Kekadang terfikir jugak kalo aku jadi cikgu, adekah aku akan jadi lebih gembira?


Esok Isnin. Start kerja selepas cuti Jumaat, Sabtu dan Ahad. Cam biasa la, blues tu datang balik. Huhuhu.

Ya Allah, berikanlah aku pentunjuk, dan berikan lah aku jalan. Berikanlah aku ketenangan. Amin.

End of year

Next week, will be the last week of November 2016.

My mother in law will be travelling to Manchester, UK next week. And I will be on-call in the weekend.

Which means I need to rush back home immediately after sending off my MIL.

Initially I wasn’t supposed to on-call, but due to some irresponsible people, who informed me last minutes that he can’t do on-call, and even with all the alternatives that I have prepared, it only seems that the only way for this to work is for me to replace him while he don’t need to replace mine.

Like seriously why does one need to do his/ her medical check up in Sarawak? Only Sarawak got hospital, is it?

But never mind that. I don’t want to think nor speak about that any more. I’ll just treat that person as just my another bitter moment in life. Which is, to forget. And forgive, when he’s dead

Anyhow, I took leave on Friday because I misunderstood that my wife’s friend’s wedding will be in Selangor but actually it is in Perak. At first I think I could lie all day long on Friday prior the trip but coincidentally, I need to go to Ipoh on that day settling my MIL medical check up.

And now, as usual, on Sunday night, the Monday blues kick in.


I do know tomorrow I won’t be in clinic in the morning as I need to accompany an ambulance to Ipoh (which read as dilly dally till noon)but still, I am still worried regarding the patient that will be in the ambulances.

But still… the thoughts of working… and the thoughts of me, doing this job like… till i retire…

Oh my.

I did realized that even though my work are physically lesser compared to 1-2 years ago but the responsibility is huge. I got my weekends, my leave, nice co workers and all but still… I can’t help to overthink.

Oh yeah! I just remembered that I need to make a slide show for meeting this Wednesday…

Entah lah…

My wife’s school holiday is starting next week…

Damn! Why la I don’t apply as a teacher before?? T_T

Meanwhile, KKM posted in their Facebook regarding the ministry plan to put Medical Officer in research field.


I do afraid that I will get bored doing research but then I don’t think I can stand juggling with others’ life any more.

Random info: my batch mate pass away yesterday in Sg Buloh. I whatsapp-ed my other friend asking if she and her husband will be going to the funeral but she said she’s oncall today.

Being a doctor, you just have to work no matter if it was weekend or public holiday…


Yesterday was my 3rd Graduation Day’s anniversary. As most of my colleague did, I repost the post as memory on the Facebook. However, deep inside me, I don’t really wanted to remember that day. If I count my blessing, of course, one would said I should be grateful that my parent managed to attend it. However deep down, I felt terrible because we were seated according to our pointer and obviously my result was not that good. Honestly I was also stressed out because I need to deal with the Egyptian.

Nevertheless, I still graduated.

I joined a whatsapp group which consist of my colleagues during my housemanship days. I was quite surprised to know some of my other acquaintance (whom of course, was not in the group) pass part 1 for an exam for specialist (there are 3 parts). The reason we (members of the group) was surprised because he was known to be one of those who always missing during working hours. And as one of my friend inside the group said, “big talk, no work”. I don’t personally know the guy but I did heard his name was mention whenever we were gossiping about those who always skip working. Hahaha

Suddenly deep inside me, I felt empty. Because I don’t have any plans to further my study, yet. There’s was nothing big to look forward too (other that getting a child, buying a property, travelling overseas etc)

I still remember 3 years ago. my only hope was to graduate. And then after that, to finished housemanship. But now, other than to settle my debt, I just go to work, waiting for it to end.

Praise be to Allah for making me satisfied.

Currently, I am still hoping to stop being a doctor by doing a business. I was thinking of being a tailor. I even joined a group for tailor. But then, when I read some of the post there regarding the hustle of being a tailor, that dream was slowly die out.

I did take a 6 days leave trying to finished my sewing project (read: my wife’s clothes). But damn, I felt so stressed whenever I sewn incorrectly, and whenever my machine malfunction. Urghh!!

And I did felt bored, sewing all day. I think maybe I did have attention deficit.

Here’s my machine and my project

photo 1

Sulaman. Tak jadi sangat sebab kain berkedut

Mesin jahit RM6K

Mesin jahit RM6K

My wife was away paying a visit to her cousins with my mother in-law as her aunt just passed away.

So, after dilly dally alone, finally I have a new vision.

To prepare myself to stop working before I am 40 years old. Or to established a business before 40 years old.

How was it? It is good enough?


I think it still felt a bit unreal for me, that finally I am in the last posting.

20 months plus ago, I was just reporting myself to the hospital. Now, praise be to Allah, my housemanship almost reaching its end in 3 months God-willing.

Thinking back, my Godddd. What a journey!!

My first posting will always be the one that I’ll remember the most, because literally I started from zero. It was five months after my final exams, I never did an elective before, and my basic knowledge were not that great. I got a good nag from a MO that

Honestly, I think I am here now because of God blessing. Maybe I passed by people’s pity.

The surgeon told me, “don’t worry, we understand that you are a first poster. We’ll let you pass”. Best sentences, ever.

However till this posting, I am still feeling unsure. Well, I am unsure of everything.

Currently my work scope is clerking new patients coming to the emergency, which usually a non-stop event. And because we share the same work place with the MOs and specialist, I don’t get chances to sit, because by sitting, they might think you are lazy. Haha.

So tired.

And thing don’t get better with those fussy, thinks-they-know-better, believe-more-in-what-others-said type of patient.

At 4 am today, an patient came in for severe asthma. Ironically, I know that patient because when I clerked him, he was so anxious to go home, and when I was about to discuss with my MO, the patient absconded. Still remember his exact sentences:

Saya datang ni bukan sebab sesak nafas ke ape. Tapi sebab pagi ni rasa tak selesa. Sejuk kan. So macam nak amik la neb(ulizer), nak top-up. Ala macam nak top up hand phone

And when asked why he doesn’t took his budesonide inhaler, he said he felt OK, and some people said the MDI is not good.


Maybe one might say communication (read: explanation and patient education) is the key here but really, I think I am not really a talker. Maybe my parent was right not allowing their child to be a teacher because I think I don’t really like to explain things over and over again.

Right now, I feel so lazy to work.

There, I said it. haha

I am still unsure of what I want to do. Maybe I should be an intensivist, which only require me to deal with intubated patient. Intubated=not fussy. hahahaha


So it was almost my third month in O&G. The best part was.. I don’t even started to settle my assessment and log book. Oh my. I blame it for my busy-ness in the ward. Well actually it was not really that busy. It’s just that the timing was so inconvenience.

So, maybe next week, I have to really settled it all for once and for all. Cewah!

Anyhow, I am postcall today. But didn’t get my off as I already used my off on Raya Haji.

Yesterday was my first oncall in the 1C, gynae ward. Luckily, I was in charge of Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit aka EPAU. Basically, I was the frontier on any gynae (woman’s problem) referral. That is to say, I will clerk the patient first then discuss with my boss either to admit her to ward, or to discharge her.

The oncall MO yesterday was so nice. She said that I only need to get the history only, as she wanted to examine the patient herself (as to prevent the patient from being examined multiple time).

Thinking back, maybe she didn’t trust me. :-0

Yesterday, I did get emo at a certain staff nurse in 1st class ward. Haha

I don’t get it why some people just choose to be rude, or rather just love to intimidate others.

A patient was planned to trace the old medical notes, and then discharge after that. But the staff nurse informed me that they didn’t find the notes, but the patient insisted to go back. As there were no MO at that time to discuss, the patient herself (who happen to be a Sister Nurse) called the O&G specialist herself. She said that the specialist allow her to discharge then to get appointment one month later.

However when I wanted to do the discharge letter, I found no documentation of any sort. I asked the SN who was present there who was incharge of the patient. She said the SN was eating. Then she asked what was the problem.

I would rather talk to the person in charge. So I went to the pantry to see the SN. I just asked her some question then I wrote something in the notes.

However, suddenly the earlier SN that I spoke to, suddenly made a statement out of nowhere.

“Kenapa doktor kacau SN tu makan?? Doktor tanya sajalah kat saya. Saya kat sini kan?? Kenapa nak pegi sana jugak??”

“Ala makan je kan??”

“Diorang tengah makan, so mane boleh kacau”

“Err I though we are here to work, not to eat??”

“No no no. Here, we take turn when to work and when to eat”

“OK whatever” *malas nak layan*

So I prepared the letter and all. The I asked who will get the appointment. Stupid me for asking. Obviously la I jugak yang kene amik jugak.

After I wrote the date and all in the notes, then I left to my ward.

Suddenly I got the call from the 1st class ward asking how about the appointment, why I didn’t inform her bla bla. Then I said that I already wrote the date and all. And I saw the she was busy. Then she still insisted that she wasn’t busy and I should have informed her before leaving bla bla bla

Then I said, “well sorry, I am stupid”

My God… I don’t get it la these people. You claimed you are not busy but you didn’t noticed that I left.

The first thing they do was to write “Dr X noted” but whatever we wrote there, they didn’t bother to read.

Do you have difficulty in reading or what??

Maybe, some MO keep on being malignant because by being that way, people doing their work properly near them, and the work lesser as people don’t prefer to talk to them.

It is lonely, but it is easy.


Alhamdulillah. Lagi tiga hari akan genap sebulan aku berada dalam posting baru ni, posting ObsGyn. Dalam term layman, posting sakit puan.

So far, aku dah oncall dua kali. Dua-dua oncall so far ok la. Manageable. Penat itu mesti. Tapi esok aku oncall lagi, kali ni jaga VE room. Dan kalau on call VE room, ko akan kene clerk (baca: tulis-tulis) dari kol 7 pg esok sampai 7 pg lusa non stop, as long as patient datang.


Honestly aku lebih suka amik darah/ set line/ assist OT dari cleking case tak abes abes. Benci la nak tulis banyak banyak.

Aku dapat post call semalam, off hari ni. Agak awkward sebab dalam posting sebelum ni aku off weekend je. Jadi bila off weekdays ni, agak weird dan tak convenient sangat sebab bini aku kerja. Tapi takpe la. Dah orang bagi cuti. Amik je la… hohoho…


Sejak dua menjak ni aku jadi sangat la tak bersemangat. Rasa berat je badan, dan rasa malas gile. Maybe sebab raya aritu makan banyak Tak tahu la kenapa

Kalau bukan sebab nak kene bayar hutang, aku rase nak amik cuti tanpa gaji sebulan. Untuk rehat. *bajet ko busy dan penting sangat jeee*

Tapi since aku duduk kat rumah je mase aku off tadi, serius rase bosan gila. Mati kutu. Tu baru dapat cuti sehari. Tapi ye la tak pegi mane-mane pon sebab isteri kerja, and duit pon takde har har har… Lagi pon bila nak buat ape-ape, lepas teringat esok nak oncall, aku rasa nak baring je kumpul tenaga hahaha.


Anyway aritu aku ade cakap kat parent aku, yang aku cuti semalam and hari ini. Cuma tak cakap kat diorang secara detail yang aku akan balik rumah diorang. Selama ni aku selalunya balik rumah mertua aku.

So bila sampai kat rumah around 12 tengah hari tu, tengok tengok parent aku sedang nap.

Ala dengki gilaaaaaa.

Nak nap jugak hari hari. hahaha

Haish *sigh*

Everyday rasa malas. So unmotivated. Tapi stress itu ada.


Mase last posting, aku terpikir untuk further anaest, kalau ade peluang. Tapi mase aku assist c-sec, dengar MO anaest borak-borak dengan MO aku, tetiba aku rase malas pulak. Malas okay nak exam bagai ni.

Honestly aku nak kerja yang senang. Kerja office hour, kerja banyak cuti. Aku nak jadi cikgu

Bila baca ade senior HO dah jadi MO Medical kat satu hospital ni, my gadd!! Diorang dah la campak campak HO ikut suka ati. Posting pon ikut suka hati. Aku suka medical, tapi aku tak nak jadi MO medical. Hahaha


Anyway esok aku oncall. Esok jugak aku ade assessment dengan mentor aku. Aku dah la tak buat off tag assessment aritu. Adoi. Tak tahu la cam mane aku nak buat assessment esok nii. Banyak bende aku tak tahu ni.

Key la. doakan semoga dipermudah. Aku study dulu. Daaa