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    The writer has a mortal fear of lawyers - the blog isn't here to infringe upon any copyrights or break any laws, it's here to be a papyrus for the writer's humble life memories. Give any comment if you have any questions or concerns. Something will be done:).

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Procrastination

I was supposed to do my March claim and preparing for my presentation, but here I am updating my blog and watching youtube videos.

I’ve been watching the old kpop videos. One that was popular on the year of 2008-2012.

I am feeling nostalgic.

It felt unreal how times has flies. I used to wish for me to grow up fast when I was a little boy because I can’t wait to have my own money, but now, I wish that things could fly by a bit slow.

Read somewhere that we don’t really love old songs because it was that good (good song is subjective anyway, right?) but we love the memories that came with it.

Year of 2008-2012 was my twenties. I was in Egypt furthering my studies. For 6 years.

It’s funny how when I listened to the song, I can felt the memory. For some song like Honey by Kara or Love Like This by SS501, they will remind me of winter morning. Because my roommate will woke up and started his day by blasting those songs via his speaker. Haha!!

It felt like I can remember how cold it was, and how so relaxing to start my day with a cup of warm green tea mixed with honey. (I was on diet luls)

Such a sweet memories.

Haish… I need a break which involves me of lying down all day..

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Passion

I have mix feeling with my work.

For some reason, I felt quite empty and lost. I am definitely not enjoying the shaky journey that I have to take to get inside and outside the Orang Asli settlement.

I think maybe I do miss to see patient in proper way. In an air-conditioned office, asking what are their problems, trying to formulate differential diagnosis after listening to them, doing proper examinations and ordering investigation. My brain at times feel heavy like it has been used at its full capacity but by the end of the day I feel satisfied.

For now, most of my work is just giving a combo of paracetamol, chlorpheniramine and ORS to those who register for the mobile clinic. For them to keep just in case they got ill.

Not that I dislike it but yes I think I should be glad that at least they are not in the life threatening situation lols.

When my staff asking about my opinion about what did i feel about my latest position, I have no definite answer.

Sometimes I feel like they (the PKD) throw me into this department to rot. Hahahaha

Nevermind. I should enjoy this position by looking the positives part.

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Random throwback

During my medical student years, i followed a travel blog that belonged to a medical student studying in Ireland. Because I planned to travel. It was so interesting reading his blog post.

I finally went for Euro trip (read: amsterdam, brussels, paris, geneve) on 2008.

Years later after I graduated I no longer stalk his blog.

Funny thing though when I was tagging in the last posting at Emergency Department, my friend told me that one of the MO is the owner of the travel blog. My friend and I tried to escape tagging but we were being busted. My friend thought he was a sporting person. Well maybe a doctor’s busy job does change a person hahahaha

I was like really??? But back then he has gained so much weight luls.

Anyhow, recently that MO doing throwback of his trip at his FB. He mentioned about his trip in France at 2003. How not many France people know English language. That he tried to study the language in two weeks.

My exprience in 2008 was otherwise. I think most people that I asked for help/ direction can speak English. Well I did study the roads and maps. I downloaded offline Google map into my Iphone and navigate using the GPS. So I dont really made much human interaction lols. I studied my trip more than studying for my exams till I have failed one of my subjects haha!!

Anyhow I still remember we went to Bourg St Maurice for skiing. I tried to book our accomodation via online but failed to find one that doesnt use credit card. So I planned to walk-in.

So we went to the tourism office asking for place of accomodation however we were shocked to know that the accomodation at the mountain and the surrounding area was fully booked.

I asked for options then she suggested that after we went down, we need to take a train to a nearby town and checked in at the hotel. We agreed and she helped us by calling the hotel for booking. She also wrote the price, the hotel name and the phone number.

It was such a eventful journey because we arrived at the hotel at 8pm. The worked cant speak English yet we just showed the paper and paid the money. The hotel looks old yet are so glad that we have a place to stay. Suddenly i remembered about my friend’s story who said that he need to share toilets with the homeless during his trip because they want to save money on accomodation.

Anyhow I was so glad that the price was as dealt with the tourism office.

Such an experience….

Latest

Hello there.

A lot has happened since the last time I rant about my life update.

A few weeks ago, I was updating my blog with recipe of Agar agar Lumut. So after updating, I took some time to read my previous blog post. I accidentally read my journal when I was a houseman.

Honestly, it bring so much memories. There are some part that makes me feel like, “oh, did I do that? I dont remember a bit about it”. Like how my off day was cancelled last minute. How a whatsapp massage ruined my holiday. Note to myself, dont reply whatsapp message.

Nevertheless, I miss writing on the blog. After reading the old post, I felt the urge to keep updating.

I think one of the reason I rarely update is because I seldom sit infront of a computer. Nowadays it is the age of smart phones. I dont prefer writing on the WordPress apps, like I am doing currently. So many spelling mistake. Luls.

Anyhow, I plan to write more. As I felt overwhelmed with work.

Till the next time.

2016

Bismilah.

1 Jan 2016 dah berlalu sudah.

Alhamdulillah. Malam 31 hb kali ini, aku sedang berehat di dalam rumah disamping isteri tecinta. Nasib baik tak payah oncall. Eh tapi aku standby. Namun begitu nasib baik tak ada kes. Huhu.

Tahun 2015 merupakan tahun yang mana aku telah menamatkan housemanship aku seterusnya memulakan khidmat sebagai seorang MO. Memang sukar untuk memikul tanggungjawab dan membuat keputusan. Lagi lagi keputusan yang melibatkan nyawa orang. Tambahan pula dengan sikap aku yang suka fikir banyak dan fikir all the worst thing that could’ve happen.

Seriously, time oncall aku memang tak tenang dan tak tenteram. Juga moody.

Bukan sekali dua, malahan dah banyak kali aku sering berborak dengan kawan kawan dan staff hospital, yang aku macam sedikit menyesal kenapa la aku tak memilih untuk jadi guru.

Tak ada oncall, dan tak perlu nak fikir kalo pesakit tu balik rumah, esok die akan sembuhkah, atau esok dia akan makin teruk?

Yang penting, cikgu memang dipengaruhi orang cuti sekolah, cuti umum dan cuti peristiwa.

Lain lah kerja doktor kerajaan. Banjir ke, jerebut ke, takde letrik, takde air, dan sebagainya, still kena buka.

Letih.

Aku memang selalu sangat terfikir nak berenti kerja. Tapi tu la. Kalau tak kerja, mane nak dapat gaji? Ape je kerja yang konfirm boleh bagi minimum sedebuk RM3K sebulan?

Kalo kerja sendiri, at least tahun pertama tu memang konfirm sesak. Tu tak masuk lagi tekanan dari ibubapa dan sanak sedara. Terutama tekanan mulut.

Abang aku dah berenti kerja swasta, buat kerja bisnes. Memang jelas sangat, mak bapak aku, even aku pon, macam sedikit sebanyak rase rugi betul beliau berenti padahal kerja die gajinya not bad.

Tapi aku malas nak cakap banyak. Sebab aku pon faham. Kalau dah tak minat tu, memang rasa tak best.

Tak tahu la nak salahkan siapa. Mak aku dulu pernah bagi semangat kat aku, masa aku rasa down gila time mula mula start posting dulu. Mak aku cakap, die dulu pon kerja tension jugak. Setiap hari rasa phobia bila tengok pintu pagar sekolah (mak aku cikgu). Tapi aku tak nampak pon beliau camtu dulu. Mungkin time tu aku baru umur 7 tahun. Tapi mak aku sabar. Keja sampai pencen. Sekarang hidup stabil je makan duit pencen bulan-bulan.

Dulu terbaca, memang generasi dulu dan sekarang berbeza sebab zaman berbeza. Dulu zaman perang, zaman ekonomi meleset. Mak aku cakap arwah atok memang slalu nasihat cari kerja dengan kerajaan. Stabil, dapat pencen. So memang diorang sabar je la kerja sampai pencen.

Tapi generasi aku ni, fikir we are more than that. Bercita tinggi la kunun. Wanted to only do what we want to do. Mungkin ade sikit naik lemak. Tak suka, tak nak kerja. Tak sabar.

Tapi entah la. Kekadang terfikir jugak kalo aku jadi cikgu, adekah aku akan jadi lebih gembira?

Wallahualam.

Esok Isnin. Start kerja selepas cuti Jumaat, Sabtu dan Ahad. Cam biasa la, blues tu datang balik. Huhuhu.

Ya Allah, berikanlah aku pentunjuk, dan berikan lah aku jalan. Berikanlah aku ketenangan. Amin.

End of year

Next week, will be the last week of November 2016.

My mother in law will be travelling to Manchester, UK next week. And I will be on-call in the weekend.

Which means I need to rush back home immediately after sending off my MIL.

Initially I wasn’t supposed to on-call, but due to some irresponsible people, who informed me last minutes that he can’t do on-call, and even with all the alternatives that I have prepared, it only seems that the only way for this to work is for me to replace him while he don’t need to replace mine.

Like seriously why does one need to do his/ her medical check up in Sarawak? Only Sarawak got hospital, is it?

But never mind that. I don’t want to think nor speak about that any more. I’ll just treat that person as just my another bitter moment in life. Which is, to forget. And forgive, when he’s dead

Anyhow, I took leave on Friday because I misunderstood that my wife’s friend’s wedding will be in Selangor but actually it is in Perak. At first I think I could lie all day long on Friday prior the trip but coincidentally, I need to go to Ipoh on that day settling my MIL medical check up.

And now, as usual, on Sunday night, the Monday blues kick in.

Urghh.

I do know tomorrow I won’t be in clinic in the morning as I need to accompany an ambulance to Ipoh (which read as dilly dally till noon)but still, I am still worried regarding the patient that will be in the ambulances.

But still… the thoughts of working… and the thoughts of me, doing this job like… till i retire…

Oh my.

I did realized that even though my work are physically lesser compared to 1-2 years ago but the responsibility is huge. I got my weekends, my leave, nice co workers and all but still… I can’t help to overthink.

Oh yeah! I just remembered that I need to make a slide show for meeting this Wednesday…

Entah lah…

My wife’s school holiday is starting next week…

Damn! Why la I don’t apply as a teacher before?? T_T

Meanwhile, KKM posted in their Facebook regarding the ministry plan to put Medical Officer in research field.

Interesting…

I do afraid that I will get bored doing research but then I don’t think I can stand juggling with others’ life any more.

Random info: my batch mate pass away yesterday in Sg Buloh. I whatsapp-ed my other friend asking if she and her husband will be going to the funeral but she said she’s oncall today.

Being a doctor, you just have to work no matter if it was weekend or public holiday…